25 October 2008
Posted by Cassiel at 12:23 pm
Posted by Cassiel at 10:57 am
13 October 2008
Posted by Cassiel at 7:51 am
7 October 2008
Not that I haven't been going out, but I've just had alot of time to think
and reassess where I'm at...who I am, who my friends are, real and imagined :)
Then I realised this, that for a very long time I've had locked myself away,
Been frozen in time, I didn't feel alive...
I had learnt at a very young age to hide my feelings, to make all my bad dreams seem
like almost nothing, with just a shake of my head, I would go into neutral.
Years passed like that, for what seemed like eons.
Until it was ok for me to come back out again, slowly I took out this hurt child,
and all of the pain that I couldn't deal with at that time, I dealt with now.
Each pain, each hurt, each ravage on my soul, I took out, examined, healed and became whole again...
I took back my soul, without the should of others, without the pressure of being something that I was told to be.
I had time to myself to become me again...
So now I'm faced with a problem, I have this nine year old girl, that wants to live...
I want to do all the things that I didn't feel as if I was doing then...
I want to go to luna parks and go on really fast rides,
And God help whoever hears me, because I sing out of tune sometimes, but I don't care
I walk the streets, singing, smiling at complete strangers and they think that I'm coming on to them....which is kind of sad.
It's as if I've broken free out of a prison and I feel free to feel what I want, so I'm feeling love,
not just love, but being in love with everything and everyone.
I look at butterflies, and birds and I want to fly away like them...
Are these the first signs of madness?? I wonder!!
Maybe after all that's happened I've finally lost it and I'll be like the pigeon lady who's singing at the street, I'll be covered in bird poo, and smell really badly.
Reality is very grounding though, I have a job to take care of and parents to raise, and as we all know, it's hard to raise parents at this day and age....
But every day, there's a butterfly that comes outside my window and sings out for me to join her, and my spirit flies off with her....
Posted by Cassiel at 12:55 pm
5 October 2008
These are the kind of values that I want to pass on to my kids...
That Angels exist, in all shapes and sizes,
That we can all do our part to help others, no matter who it is.
That to forgive is one of the greatest lessons that we have ever learned.
That good friends are hard to come by and you should stand by them no matter what.
That we should live life with Honesty and Integrity always, and if you have to step on someone else to get to where you want to then you're really not going anywhere.
That going with your own Cross in Hand, does actually pay off.
That we are here to fulfil a divine plan, and we have to do everything in our power to start our light work.
That we are one with nature, plants, animals, and if we don't take care of it, it won't take care of us.
and finally we are all God's Children, we were made in His perfect image and that everything is going the way it's supposed to be.
So be it.
Posted by Cassiel at 11:41 am
3 October 2008
I saw this video and cried!!!
I am exasperated with the universe for not sending him my way so I'm putting it out there...so I'm asking you Angels...
Send him my way...I call forth all my issues.
And yes I am being silly but I know he's out there.
Posted by Cassiel at 10:21 am
This is a personal thank you note to all my friends....that even if we are far away from one another, I'm only a call away. It's a very personal note so bear with me...
From those of you that know me, you know that I have an insatiable need to live, to love and to be loved, to protect, to heal, but most of all nowadays to know myself...
I used to have an insatiable need to eat, it used to be all consuming, I used to wake up and go to bed thinking about connoseur ice cream, you know the one, cafe grande, the one with the almonds in it and grand marnier sauce, the one that I don't think about any more...the one that I used to produce at dinner parties as desert....meanwhile eating myself into oblivion so I could hide what I was feeling and procrastinate, and as you know I'm a great procrastinator...
I then realised that food was just a cover so that I could mask things out, the erosion in my soul when my parents fought, my Polyanna attitude in trying to see the good and the light in everyone...the money problems that we used to have and the fact that whenever we had money problems everyone would run away...and come back again when things would be right again.
So all these things made me go into my shell, eat my ice cream and not want to come back out again...
Thankfully since then I have found better friends, it's easy to have friends like the above mentioned, but hard to have friends like the ones I have now.
I had sooo wished that someone would come and save me and make all my problems go away, but then I realised something...
I can save myself...!!!
I can decide for myself to do things and if it's meant to be then it's up to me.
That to be bailed out of a situation is not actually doing me any good, but to actually find solutions on my own is so self empowering and self growing that I really wished it would have happened sooner so I can grow quicker....
So to all those friends who have bailed me out of a situation just like I used to do, THANK YOU!!!
I DO SO LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU!!!
To those who haven't bailed me out of situations but offered me viable solutions so I can work things out on my own, A Double thank you!!!! I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFULL!!!
To those who didn't even know what has been happening....you're probably not a close friend and not reading this post... So nah nah- nah nah nah!!!
Love you and miss you all!!!!!
Posted by Cassiel at 10:00 am