7 October 2008

It's all about me!!

It's really funny, lately I've had a lot of time to myself,

Not that I haven't been going out, but I've just had alot of time to think
and reassess where I'm at...who I am, who my friends are, real and imagined :)

Then I realised this, that for a very long time I've had locked myself away,
Been frozen in time, I didn't feel alive...

I had learnt at a very young age to hide my feelings, to make all my bad dreams seem
like almost nothing, with just a shake of my head, I would go into neutral.

Years passed like that, for what seemed like eons.

Until it was ok for me to come back out again, slowly I took out this hurt child,
and all of the pain that I couldn't deal with at that time, I dealt with now.

Each pain, each hurt, each ravage on my soul, I took out, examined, healed and became whole again...

I took back my soul, without the should of others, without the pressure of being something that I was told to be.

I had time to myself to become me again...

So now I'm faced with a problem, I have this nine year old girl, that wants to live...

I want to do all the things that I didn't feel as if I was doing then...

I want to go to luna parks and go on really fast rides,

I want to dance in the streets, I want to break free and sing,
And God help whoever hears me, because I sing out of tune sometimes, but I don't care
I walk the streets, singing, smiling at complete strangers and they think that I'm coming on to them....which is kind of sad.

I want to go horse riding,

I want to go on the beach and play with sand castles,

I want to fly!!!!!!!!!

It's as if I've broken free out of a prison and I feel free to feel what I want, so I'm feeling love,
not just love, but being in love with everything and everyone.

I look at butterflies, and birds and I want to fly away like them...

Are these the first signs of madness?? I wonder!!

Maybe after all that's happened I've finally lost it and I'll be like the pigeon lady who's singing at the street, I'll be covered in bird poo, and smell really badly.

Reality is very grounding though, I have a job to take care of and parents to raise, and as we all know, it's hard to raise parents at this day and age....

But every day, there's a butterfly that comes outside my window and sings out for me to join her, and my spirit flies off with her....


Anonymous said...

I want to dance arm in arm with friends PJ O'briens, sing out loud and have people look at me and my dear friend, wishing they could be as care free, happy and full of love and laughter as we are. I want people to laugh with me and cry without me.

Welcome home little lost soul. You have found your "normal" and finally let go of your not so normal. Kim

Cassiel said...

Yay!!! Hoorah for friends from afar who still read my blogs. Love you Kimber.